Wednesday, August 24, 2005

The Dubious Acquaintances of Marky Mark

A hilarious news item on today's IMDb caught my attention. Here it is in full:

Rapper-turned-actor Mark Wahlberg often has a tough time getting his friends to enjoy his movies, because many of them only appreciate his work when it includes violence and nude women. Wahlberg, who admits a number of his friends are former convicts, is frustrated his pals ignore his tamer movies like I Heart Huckabees. He says, "Imagine all my friends watching I Heart Huckabees. They're like, 'It's pretty cool when you punch that guy in the face, but the rest of it, who gives a f**k?' How am I going to explain an existential comedy to my buddy who just got out of jail? He wants to see t*ts and a*s and some heads being busted."

What better opportunity for a critical reappraisal of the Wahlberg oeuvre, as offered by his pals?

Fear (1996): "Dude, you have got to get that chick in line. She's calling you a psycho!"

Boogie Nights (1998): "Nice schlong and all, but what's with the faggy scene in the car?"

The Corruptor (1999): "So you're telling me the fat Asian guy was actually on the same side as you? No way!"

Three Kings (1999): "This is rockin'. You should do a sequel!"

The Yards (2000): "Well boo. Hoo. Why is it so fucking dark? And couldn't you have, like, pulled some strings so Charlize could at least get her titties out?"

The Perfect Storm (2000): "Bummer."

Planet of the Apes (2001): "More like Planet of my ass."

Rock Star (2001): "Man, are you lame."

The Truth About Charlie (2002): "Fag fag fag fag faggoty fag."

The Italian Job (2003): "Charlize is looking hot. And you sock it to that sissy from Fight Club. It's all good."

Four Brothers (2005): "We thought WE were your brothers! Man, are you some kind fucking sell-out traitor. And after everything we've done for you. Jeez..."

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