Friday, April 07, 2006

Tristan + Isolde = King Arthur — (romance + excitement)


King Arthur — (romance + excitement) = — (romance + excitement)

You do ye olde math.

11 comments:

Nick Davis said...

Why, when you have already done it for us? I, for one, refuse to double-check your work on this one.

Failure to Launch, meanwhile, is a sort of absolute value of Hitch: a positive number, at least, but not a very high one, i.e., still only ½ of a movie.

tim r said...

I liked Hitch, in a way. Sorry, but I did! I think one has to be honest about such things.

How much time does Il Slob spend lifting weights in this one? There are honestly, like, four gym montages in Two for the Money.

Nick Davis said...

Well, they do always say that admitting you have a problem is the first step toward.... just kidding, of course.

It may be the case, if memory serves, that Return of the Mack doesn't lift a single barbell in Failure to Launch. However, he more than (over)compensates by rock-climbing, surfing, sailing, maneuvering quite dextrously through a fierce game of paintball, moving around while tied to a chair, playing some pick-up basketball (or, at least, talking while sweaty on a court, and holding a ball), scoring two points with an empty milk jug thrown Just So into a wastebasket, and engaging in a particularly committed and kinesthetic bout of Xtreme cooking.

tim r said...

I'm exhausted just hearing about it. It's like he chooses movies that let him maintain his workout regime at the same time. Might as well, I guess...

In any case, I think I now no longer need to see Failure to Launch, and I've saved you from any need to worry about Tristan + Isolde. We should do this bad movie job-sharing more often!

But you'll so owe me one next week with Scary Movie 4...

Nick Davis said...

Oh, I am so cashing in Ask the Dust for at least a month.

JavierAG said...

So the romance and excitement of "King Arthur" are gone, ha? Does it at least have Keira Knightley as Xena The Anachronistic Princess Warrior?

Goran said...

Tim, if you're allowed to like Hitch, I'm allowed to like Scary Movie 3 - if nothing else, for that opening scene alone. And the tagline. "All great trilogies come in threes"

Which is why I'm actually considering seeing Scary Movie 4... *gasp*... AT THE CINEMAS!! And check out this tagline: "The fourth and final part of the trilogy" I think that's very very funny. I realise that I will laugh at about 1 out of every 4 jokes if I see the movie, but that's way above average for me when it comes to dumb Hollywood comedy.

On the other hand, "Failure to Launch" is the worst trailer I've seen probably since "Hitch". I have now officially grown to despise Sarah Jessica Parker.

tim r said...

Well, Scary Movie 3 made me laugh I think twice, which puts it way ahead of its predecessors. The Signs bit, no doubt about it, was funny. "The dogs are acting weird!" (Cue shots of them smoking weed and driving tractors.) That's one slam dunk gag, at the very least.

Still, my contempt for the series is otherwise total, so I can't say I'll be entering SM4 with anything other than extreme prejudice.

With you on SJP after braving her nails-on-a-chalkboard performance in The Family Stone. As for Hitch, I will not be able to mount a coherent defence of it, and won't be foolish enough to try. I will just burble something about Will Smith jangling someone's keys and blush. Plus (moving quickly on) I quite like Eva, despite her weirdly frozen face.

tim r said...

I take it all back!

Nick Davis said...

Is that code for, "Where did everybody go?" or a gesture toward the fact that you seem to have enjoyed Scary Movie 4?

If the former, watching Junebug again and giving it an A is an unbeatable hook for securing my attention. ;)

tim r said...

Hey, nice photo! And welcome back! Yep, I laughed a lot in Scary Movie 4. Shoot me now. And Junebug... you know, I loved it well enough the first time, but not to this kind of excess: I now start welling up on the street just thinking about it. First thing I did was download that "Harmour Love" song, with which I will probably drive Webloge insane in the coming months. It's like the definition of joy for me, that song.

Telegraph reviews of both will go up tomorrow, if I'm not feeling too shy.