Friday, February 03, 2006

The big gay Oscar derby

A friend of mine has put money on Wally Pfister to win Best Cinematography this year. Not because it's particularly likely — Brokeback's Rodrigo Prieto has got to be the strong favourite — but because she thinks the Academy might get carried away with its much-hyped give-it-to-the-gays agenda and award it to him purely on the basis of his (admittedly fantastic) surname.

It strikes me that quite a few of this year's nominated films might benefit, to those who haven't yet seen them, from at least sounding potentially gay. Pride and Prejudice? I mean come on. It ought to be an ensemble dramedy set in Brighton. Cinderella Man sounds suspiciously like a drag show. And I ask you this: what's the Constant Gardener actually doing out in the garden? Is that his poor wife calling in the kitchen? I suspect some kind of Far From Heaven sneaking-behind-bushes scenario myself.

We can queer things even more by tweaking the titles a bit. Memoirs of a Gay-sha sounds much more entertaining, in a playground insult kind of way. The Squid and the Other Squid would be a shoo-in for Best Original Screenplay. And I hate to be obscene, but Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is doing pretty well all by itself. My personal favourite though? Darwin's Nightmare for Best Doc. Chip in with your own!

3 comments:

JavierAG said...

this was way too funny! Incidentally, "Memoirs of a Gay-Sha!" would be an awesome title for a "Kung Fu Hustle" follow-up.

And what about... Dion Beebe? I mean, c'mon. He sounds like Celine Dion's sister.

Nick Davis said...

Darwin's Nightmare will face some stiff competition (ahem) from the recently re-christened Enron: The Smartest Gays in the Room. You can feel from here how churlish Luc Jacquet is feeling for having omitted all those homophile penguins.

Given its Ionesco-inspired detonation of nuptial custom, Corpse Bride has to be the favorite for Animated Film. (Wallace and Gromit, sadly, is too ahead of its time—you know how American fundamentalists are always screaming, "What are people going to start doing next, marrying their dogs??!")

Skodanske said...

I hadn't realised it was 'Gay' year running on the Oscars actually, goes to show how much I care... But I figured now, it is so..

I'll be checking here for other hum drums from the movie scene I'm completely ignorant to..

Nice recipees, best thing out of the Brokeback scenery yet and I shall try the very late weeks, when I leave Dodge city.. to celebrate something